The Baby Book, pg. 473: "There will be days when your adult mind will need more than Mother Goose. Read your favorite magazine or book aloud to baby, pepping up the story for a baby's ear." I've learned: you can still take advantage of mutual interests.
Tit Stop Rock (MP3) by Chinga Chavin
The Baby Book, pg. 92: "If you have a baby who really needs a pacifier, then use it, don't abuse it, and quickly try to lose it." I've learned: using a dumb one encourages ditching it. And I will, just as soon as it stops being so fucking piss-my-pants funny....
Catching Flys with My Teeth (MP3) by The Lonesome Organist
Glad You're Here With Me (MP3) by Papa M
I hate to contribute to the overuse of a catch phrase, but a friend and I have decided, in order not to take our forced joblessness personally, that the economy's just not that into us. Luckily, my wife has found work. Other men in my circle are in this same situation. I’m the only one among them, though, who also has a baby son to take care of. Yes, the recession has made me a Mr. Mom. I'll admit, if you knew me like I know me, you’d want to snatch him away like a goddamn dingo. I wouldnt argue with you, either. The boy would be better off. Instead he's now in the hands of a known degenerate and drunkard. Someone who credits smoking more pot for his finally being able to quit smoking cigarettes. Someone who so consistently and creatively curses with no regard for social context that all his kinfolk swear the kid's first words will likely be some form of fuck. Not to mention the relentless cynicism and paranoia which can't possibly be healthy for anyone. Plus I’m clumsy. I mean I drop things all the time. And did I mention I’m smoking more pot? No, I wouldn’t argue. But I’d fight you. And I’d advise you not to mess with papa bear.
Where Yo Is (MP3) by Fat Daddy Holmes
Fun facts about where we are: there's no sales tax, the mayor's openly gay, and you're not allowed to pump your own gas. Yes, we're back in Portland, Oregon, whose warm, dry summers and temperate, rainy winters create the ideal conditions for growing roses, hence the city’s many rose gardens and its most common nickname, The City of Roses. (These same conditions have also proven conducive to the area’s other favorite crop, but this hasn’t yet led to a nickname -- like oh, say, Potland.) It's also known as Stumptown, a name derived from the days of its founding when all the timber here was cleared. Nowadays, Portland often shows up on lists of greenest places to live, thanks to its approach to urban planning. It contains 92,000 acres of green space and over 75 miles of trails. It was also the first U.S. city to enact mandates to reduce carbon emissions. There's biofueled buses, light rail lines, and an extensive network of bike lanes, plus a small fleet of hybrid cars the city loans out to select citizens like library books. The solar-powered parking meters waste paper by printing stickers, and the solar-powered public toilets Portland has patented and hopes to market to other cities may be another imperfect exercise of the same good intentions, but their examples at least prove that even under such often overcast skies, things can still run on the sun, so shame to any city's excuse of lacking light.
Bacon Fat (MP3) by Andre Williams
My favorite tidbit, though, is the disputed but locally beloved boast that Portland contains the most strip clubs per capita in the U.S., including a pirate-themed strip club in a building shaped like a giant jug of rum and the world’s first vegan strip club (Casa Diablo) whose ironically un-p.c.motto offers “meat on the pole, not on the plate." (Which reminds me of the bacon-maple long john at Voodoo Dough-nut. The doughnut itself is vegan. Then topped with maple icing and two pieces of dried bacon. A simulation of an overly-syrupped pancake breakfast. I would go so far as to say that, for me, the bacon-maple long john nicely symbolizes the sinner/savior duality of Portland. While I'm at it, I'd like to mention my fondness for the Bacon Bloody at Genie's. I have to give P-town props for realizing, as we do in the South, that bacon is, among other things, a condiment.) When I asked why so many strip clubs, I was told that males out-number females something like 2 to 1, but really more like 3 to 1 because half of the women are lesbians. If you think about it, this also means if you suspect some woman you spot on the street is a stripper, odds are she is one. All around, a lovely city.
We're here for a few months, during which Little E and I have at least one post planned. We hope to have time for more, but we'll see. For now, here's a loving shout out to sex advice columnist and Pacific Northwest resident Dan Savage: Hey faggot! My brother took some of these pictures. We're a pair of fine looking fellows don't you know and now whenever we hang out, we've discovered other people's first assumption is that we're a gay couple who've adopted. Me and my bro are both straight, married liberals who think the passing of Prop 8 was tantamount to a hate crime. We recognize that in such moments of mistaken identity, we become representatives of issues like gay marriage and gay families. And because we support such issues and always try to do our part, we've tried to behave less idiotically in public. But there was this estate sale. See the above picture. I found a ventriloquist doll's head and was showing it to E. He's teething and puts everything in his mouth. My question is this: if he did exactly that and in fact put his mouth on the doll's mouth so that it looked like he was making out with the dude while his two gay daddies encouraged him and laughed, was that bad? If so, we're sorry.
Goo Goo Muck (MP3) by Ronnie Cook & the Gaylads
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